YES I KNOW I'M A DAY LATE! BUT LATE'S BETTER THAN NEVER RIGHT!?
Since it is the spookiest month of the year I have decided to go with Sunday Funnies alter ego and try my hand at writing something spooky. If you would like to play along, which I would love for you to do, write something spooky that has happened to you, an urban legend or make it up as you go! Let me know in your comment if you are participating and I will be sure to stop by!
In a dark and dangerous corner of Heidi's house a terrible secret lies hidden. For those that are brave enough to learn the truth you must descend down the treacherous stairs that are littered with toys, wrappers and horrible DUST BUNNIES that lie in wait along the path, you will come to a room where vapors of green spiraling smoke spew into the congested hallway. As you step closer to discover what the cause of the mysterious coiling smoke could possibly be you find yourself facing the great Mount Saint Laundry. It is piled so high that the door to the dryer has completely disappeared beneath it's great mass. And the smell, oh the smell, not only do you smell month old dirty socks and underwear from a three year old just learning to go potty, but the pee trap is dry, sending a horrible stench worse than a dead dog through the entire house! Hurry turn around and run before it reaches out its filthy claws and tries to trap you in its clutches! Quick GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TO LATE!!!!
Ok, so at my house hell week officially began last Monday. I am in charge of the Halloween Carnival at my kids' elementary school. Now normally this wouldn't be too bad, but I was so busy at the beginning of October that EVERYTHING has been squished into a two week period instead of two months. With everything that has been going on, my basement has taken a beating. No one can see it when they come into my house unless they CHOOSE to go down there. So not much has been cleaned over the course of the last two weeks. My laundry, as described above has also been a bit neglected. I haven't been blogging much the last two weeks and that just happens to be the time that I do my laundry.
I knew that things were getting really bad when two days ago I was happily taking a steaming hot shower and relaxing for the few moments that I could without someone calling me, me calling someone, or my kids screaming for some lunch. Aah! Absolute bliss! Until I reached out to grab my towel only to discover that I had forgotten to get one. I gingerly stepped out and walked to my linen closet only to again discover, NO TOWELS! I had to dry with the one remaining washcloth. And then I tried to wrap my hair in it. Suffice it to say, it didn't work well.
Ho hum, I thought to myself, I guess unless I want to dry off with a paper towel tomorrow I was going to have to take a minute and attack Mount Saint Laundry today.
So, what's the dirty little secret at your house? I would love to know! Someone please tell me so that I don't feel like quite as much as a failure this week!
There it was, begging to be climbed and mastered. All three girls looked at each other, then at the pile hill and accepted the challenge that it held. As one they took off at a dead run, IS reached it first and dug her hands in creating little avalanches as she scrambled up to the top, victorious! Yes, King of the Hill!!!!
On her toes ran her older sister KN who very quickly joined her sister in a victory dance at the top of the hill.
Not to be out done the little one tried with all her might to reach the top and share in the victory dance with her older siblings, but alas the fine sand had fallen so much that she just couldn't dig her feet in So, using her hands she tried again to scale the side, only to fall on her face in the dirt.
She called for mom to come and help, but mom was too busy snapping pictures to come immediately, so she climbed on hands and knees all the way up, covering her pants, shirt and hands with dirt. Reaching the top she turned, dusted off her hands and cheered in triumph!
"Um, Heidi," Mom hears her sister say from behind her. "I don't think they should be playing in that. That's sludge from the sewage plant."
The sun warmed the backs of the young couple as they stood side by side in front of the priest. They held hands and stole quick glances and shy smiles as they listened to the priest's advise about a long and prosperous marriage. Soon he reached the most symbolic part of this sacred ceremony and the two exchanged their I do's. Then the groom leaned close and stole a quick put passionate kiss. They pulled away smiling. Neither had ever felt so elated in their entire lives. He bent down and swept his new bride up into his arms and held her tight as he walked them both back down the isle made by the makeshift benches.
Their friends and family greeted them both warmly and hugs and kisses were freely given. A reception of sorts was held at the local camp center where all of the miners meals were served. It was a joyous occasion that ended all to quickly.
The young couple moved into one of the camp houses. But they were lucky enough to have one that had its own kitchen and a separate bedroom. They were so happy and knew that they would live happily ever after.
The husband went to the mines every morning. His wife would wake before he did and lovingly prepare his breakfast, then go in and gently wake her sleeping husband with a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Get up my love," she would tell him every morning. He would rouse himself with a smile on his face and love in his eyes. They were truly in love.
While he ate his breakfast of fried potatoes and eggs she would make and pack him a lunch, along with a few candles.
"It's just in case you get lost." She would tell him when he chided her for wasting precious light. "I want you always to return to me. I couldn't bear to live without you."
"Oh," he would say casually. "You would forget me within the month!"
She would swat at him and look deeply offended. He would laugh and swat her on the behind. They would both giggle and he would sweep her into an embrace and say, "You know I will always come back, I will never leave you alone."
They lived in their little bubble of happiness for quite a while. But then as often happens she began to long for a child. Her womb had still not been filled and she found herself looking on all the young pregnant women in the mining camp with envy.
One night after she had had a particularly bad day after spending the entire day washing clothes down at the small ravine with three other women, all of whom had children or were pregnant. When her husband came home she lashed out at him about everything that he did. After yelling back at his wife he left in a fury. So furious was he that he left without shoes or coat.
His wife, after cooling down and thinking more rationally realized what she had done. She ran out of the door trying to find her husband. She looked everywhere but could not find him. She started to ask her neighbors if she had seen him. They all shook their heads and shut their doors. Finally she approached the entrance to the mining portal where her husband was working.
I would just like to say Thank You to Katy at A Few More Pages for this wonderful award! It means so much to me!
And I'd like to thank all of you out in the audience who made this moment possible! Without you stopping by to read my blog I would have never made it this far. Who would have thought that 9 weeks ago I would be up here in front of you all accepting this fabulous award!
I have to of course thank my 3 muses and my hubby, for keeping my life interesting. And thanks to all my Bloggy BFF's for stopping by so often!
If you have a minute make sure you check out Katy's blog, she has some great stuff to read at her place! And she has the most wonderful header I've ever seen!
Here are the rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award":
Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
Dear Mrs. G,
Hello, I just wanted to drop you a quick note because you are K's teacher this year in second grade.
I am writing with the hope that if I explain before hand you won't turn me into Social Services.
K has decided that she is now old enough to do her own hair, choose her own outfit, and add a little makeup without any input from me.
I hope you will see that this a huge part of gaining her independence, and that it is necessary to let her have control. (This has been my mantra through the entire morning while I continually shake my head in dismay.) But as I said before, no input from mom, not even when I see she's making spikes with one of her piggy tails and ratting the other into a tight ball, and picking out an outfit that I wore in 1987.
Thank you for looking past the rats nest in her hair, and the dress that looks like Punky Brewster, and for the makeup that resembles the Joker.
Since it is the spookiest month of the year I have decided to go with Sunday Funnies alter ego, and try my hand at writing something spooky. If you would like to play along, which I would love for you to do, write something spooky that has happened to you, or like mine this week, make it up as you go! Let me know in your comment if you are participating and I will be sure to stop by!
On a dark and windy night, two young seventeen year old girls skulked in the darkness. One, the brunette, held a rectangular box against her side with her upper arm. They stopped beside a tree that had lost its life sometime in recent years. A crow looked down from it perch atop the charcoal black tree and let out a sorrowful cry as it took flight, away from the intruders.
"It looks clear," said the blond, "let's go now." She turned and motioned with her hand to the brunette as she stood not quite erect and dashed toward the splintered and broken picket fence.
As the girls reached the gate that stood always slightly open, the brunette noticed that the wind had suddenly begun to howl.
"Maybe we shouldn't do this, I mean it was just some stupid dare, nothing will happen if we don't go through with it," the brunette pleaded to the blond.
"Yeah, nothing but being losers for the rest of the year. This dare is not that big of a deal! Nick said all we have to do to get into the house is to just walk into the front door. It's never locked. And then we just sit down, play the Ouija board, not like we never do that and then we leave. Simple. Now let's go!" The blond reached out her hand and pulled the brunette by the arm that wasn't holding the board box.
"But what about the rumors about this place?" The brunette asked in an anxious voice. "You know what they say don't you? They say some guy died here. They say that's why this house is all boarded up, that something terrible happened in there. They say that at night you can still hear him screaming for help."
"We'll be fine, come on." The blond said in a soothing voice in hopes of encouraging her friend to step onto the porch.
The blond reached the door first, she tentatively pulled at the rusted screen door. The hinges groaned in protest of being put into motion after being left idle for so long. The girls stepped through onto old ratty carpet. There wasn't much give in the carpet as they started to cross to the middle of the small room showing how often this path had been walked. The paneled walls made the room seem to close in around them in the little sliver of moon light that was trying to pry its way into the empty room there wasn't much to see. Dust danced in the beam that reached down as far as it could and touched the floor in a sharp point.
"Well," said the blond with false bravado, "this looks like as good a place as any." And she plopped down in the middle of the small dagger like slice of light. The brunette glanced around her, grimaced and joined her friend on the floor.
The brunette pulled the board with letters and numbers and then pulled out the spade shaped indicator and placed it on top of the board in the direct center. The blond reached into the depths of her coat pocket and produced two white wax tapers. From her other pocket she produced a lighter. Click, click poof, the flame came to life and she lit each wick and let the flame die. She handed one candle to her friend and she kept the other for herself.
The girls each placed one hand on the message indicator and the blond asked in a slightly shaky voice, "Is anyone here?"
Suddenly the pointer began to rush about the board in a perfect circle, it circled and circled until at last in a fury it zigged to the Y zagged to E and then shot across the board to the S.
We have been having severe toilet issues at my house. First off one of the seats came loose. I can't seem to get the nut to stay on so it frequently falls off. Well the last time that the nut slipped enough to make the seat feel like a roller coaster ride I bent down to re-tighten the nut and surprise, surprise, the nut is missing in action. I have looked everywhere, but still can't find it. So using the bathroom at this point is hazardous to your health.
A few days ago EM decided that she would brave the slippy slidey seat and used the bathroom. After she was done she came running in,
"Mommy! The water's coming up the potty!" Yikes!
I high tailed it into the BR as quickly as I could and saw to my horror that she had decided that one piece of tissue wasn't enough...
(I have to admit that this isn't my toilet. Hallelujah! This is my cousins toilet. Mine looked similar, but I didn't think to grab the camera.)
No, my little one decided that using half a box of tissues instead of TP would be a better idea. Puffs tissues, with lotion added. The lotion really helps with absorbtion.
The water was rising to the rim so fast that as I raced around the corner of the bathroom I was nearly too late. Like a madwoman I grabbed the plunger and started pumping. I pumped and pumped but the stupid paper wouldn't go down. The tissue was just too thick! So I pumped and pumped some more, finally there was a gurgle of acceptance from the pipe below, just as the first few drops began to spill out from the bowl.
I sighed with relief as the bloated, mass of compressed tree bark slipped down into the depths of... yeah, I think that thought can stop there.
I stood straight and tall putting my hands on my hips giving the toilet the evil eye, showing it who's boss. (Yeah, I really showed IT.)
I was quite satisfied with my work until about an hour later I went to use the bathroom, I have to admit that yes I do on occasion have to do that. Sorry. Well when I went to flush the toilet I got nothing. Nothing happened but a light clicking sound. Turns out the lever on the inside that connected to the handle broke completely off.
I wanted to scream, what more could possibly happen in one day to my toilets!
Later that day my husband and I loaded the kids up to go to our local home improvement store.
On our way there we passed Walmart, as we did my oldest said, "Mom, can we go to the store?"
"What do you want at the store?"
"Well I want to go to the armpit section"
I looked at my husband, and he looked at me.
Even I didn't have an answer to that one.
"Ok, what do you want from the 'armpit section'?" I asked KN.
"Well they have hand sanitizer on that same isle, I just wanted to get some."
"Maybe later, we can go to the 'armpit section' but first we have to go to the 'butt' section and get a few things to fix the toilets."
So we went, we bought, we left.
When we got home, Kevin went in and changed out the flusher handle. hooray! We no longer have to flush the toilet manually!
Take a look at this slick shiny beauty:
I happen to think it's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen ;)
So now I'm off to replace the rickety toilet seat! Sometimes being a homeowner sucks!
(Look in the bottom left hand corner for the Ruby, it's there I promise!)
On a cloudy, chilly June afternoon, my family ventured out to Promontory Point State Park. While we were there we watched a wonderful re-enactment of the driving of the golden spike. It was fantastic! I have never known much about steam engines, but I learned a lot that day. We watched a fabulous little demonstration about the steam engines and saw how the Juniper and the other steam engines ran.
After watching the demonstrations in the drizzling rain we headed into the visitors center and watched a cute little Charlie Brown movie that told all about how the two big railroad companies met at Promontory Point, connecting America from coast to coast with a railroad. The praise for the Chinese railroad workers touched me. I was proud that in early American history we were able to share the spotlight with new immigrants. I hope that my children learned as much as I did by visiting this great historical place.
Since it is the spookiest month of the year I have decided to go with Sunday Funnies alter ego and try my hand at writing the spookiest things that have ever happened to me.
For this week I'm trying a warm up, we'll see if it works. It's more of a transition story for the next month. Let me know what you think, hair standing up or slicked back with epoxy.
On this beautifully chilly autumn morning I awoke to the sounds of my husband sleeping next to me. Today is his 31st birthday (see we are already getting into the scary part of the story). As I sit and watch him sleep on this his first day of downhill slide of life, I am reminded of the birthday gift that my parents and I went in on for him. My husband loves BYU. Yes I know that all of you who secretly believed I lived in Hell will be very disappointed, I live in Utah. Well maybe that 's the same place *shrug*.
He once told me that he would wear something that had a BYU emblem on it every day if he could. Well he probably could if I actually kept my laundry up, but alas, I suck at laundry.
Anyway for his birthday for the last two years he has gotten tickets to the game that is closest to his birthday. So on Friday afternoon we said our happy goodbyes to the three little girls and left them screaming, for joy that they were sleeping over at Grandma's house. Poor grandma.
Off we went to the game. Upon arriving we drove as quickly as possible (2 mph) to the parking lot (soccer field) and parked our awesome van next to a pimped out corvette something or other. Our car was way cooler!
As we joined in the continual thread of human bodies slowly crawling toward the stadium I realized that I had forgotten that I have a problem with crowds. I know between this and my OCD thingy from yesterday I'm bound to lose a few readers. I'm really not crazy, I swear! And I'm not in denial, I think.
Eventually the sea of people broke when everyone reached the stadiums seats and like the red sea everyone parted to rush to their seats before the game started. We found our seats and sat down just as the game started.
As I sat and watched the game I was quite enjoying the game, the atmosphere and the people. The seats beside us were vacant so my husband and I stretched out a little. This comfy healthy distance between us and our neighbors lasted until the 2nd quarter. Then my seat was suddenly squished into a space that only someone with a butt 6" across would fit into. My butt is far larger than 6" so this posed a problem.
Now this was when my nightmare began, the guy sitting next to me was trying so hard to sit on my lap that I nearly had a panic attack. I have a rather large personal space bubble and this guy, who was wearing enough cologne to knock over a rhino, decides that he has to punch a hip and shoulder right through my bubble's very thin walls of protection. With a *pop* I was out of my comfort zone. I scooted closer to my husband, creepy stinky guy in his 50's on a date with his mom and dressed like a teenager sidles up next to me. I scoot again, he scoots. After 5 minutes I was nearly on top of my husband's lap. I'm not so sure that he minded, but this guy just wouldn't back off.
This is when my husband who is normally the model of civility, slams an elbow into the guys throat collapsing his windpipe and knocks him out as he screams obscenities (at a BYU game) at the guy about touching his wife. Ok that's just what I was imagining. Really he just politely chatted with the guy next to him, who stayed in his own personal space, and wrapped an arm around me and pulled me as close as possible, thereby establishing his territory. It didn't work, creepy stinky didn't get it and just kept getting closer and closer and closer until after an agonizing 2 hours they left early because BYU was thumping USU in the worst played game of the year. Even the USU fan in front of us ended up cheering for BYU and singing their fight song when they scored touch downs.
And so my nightmare ended, we waited until most of the crowd left and then we casually strolled out of the stadium and to our car and drove home on a nearly deserted highway. Sigh, my bubble was re-inflated.
Ok, that may not have been that scary for you, but I promise it had me sweating in the 50 degree weather.
If you'd like to play along, look through your week and find the funniest/scariest thing that happened and jot it down. Either leave your story in the comments or send me a link to it and I'll come check it out!
After waking up late yesterday, scrambling to get my two oldest girls out the door (a harder task than you could ever possibly imagine) to pick up my nephew and pull up in a screeching halt pointing screaming like a drill Sargent, "Get that backpack, get those shoes, put on that coat soldier; Go, go, go!"
But to no use, they are too slow and screech sounds the bell, they are tardy AGAIN! I know it's really my fault, but sheesh, can't they help out a little? Is it too much to ask that they put their OWN shoes on.
Actually my middle child has a problem with shoes. She always looses one. I don't know what she does with the other one. If anyone has any ideas let me know. So, the other day I was tired of waiting for her and I told her to get her own shoes and get out to the van. After several agitated minutes she finally, and ever so slowly emerged from the depths of house carrying a pair of sandals. Whatever, I thought, its cold out here but at least she'll have shoes on when she walks into the school. We went through the above scenario but as she was leaving the van and giving me a kiss goodbye (she's in kindergarten, she still likes me) I happened to look down at her shoes. Now one thing you have to understand is that she and her little sister wear the same size shoes, and I have a little OCD problem with wanting my children to coordinate (we all have our problems) so they own the same pair of shoes. As I looked at those poor feet of IS's I saw that she was wearing two left shoes. 'Oh, Well' I thought, 'at least they match' and I sent her to school.
Hey, I never claimed to be mother of the year, in fact you'll never even hear me claim to be a good mother.
Some of you may remember this picture, this is one of the sandals she was wearing.
Anyway, sorry it's early and I got off on a tangent. If you are still with me I'll get back to my original story.
So after dropping everyone off at school I headed back home with thoughts of today's post running through my head.
My three year old thought differently. So I spent most of the morning playing with her and doing laundry.
First she wanted to make her hair pretty, so she got out her streak and style hair paint and she painted her hair. Then because she was "pretty" she wanted a tea party. I was switching batches when she decided this so I told her I wouldn't get the tea set down until the family room was cleaned up. She dutifully marched back into the FR and began cleaning. After a few minutes she came in and told me that she had cleaned everything. I glanced around the corner and was shocked to find that everything was off the floor. So I relented and got the tea set down.
We proceeded to make tea (kool aid) and eat dainty biscuit (saltine crackers and squeeze cheese).
Now isn't that just the cutest tea set you have ever seen?
Take a good look at it and commit it to memory, because that is the only way you will ever see it again.
As I was trying to clean up, EM decided to help herself to more tea and *crash* the cute little bunny teapot was decapitated.
After cleaning up the shards of ceramic I headed downstairs to change laundry and I popped into the family room to check to see if I had any comments on my post and I saw what my three year old considers "cleaning up."