I've come up with a great new fail proof diet plan. I am not kidding there is no way that you can go through this without losing weight!
I recently tried this new fangled diet myself and I lost over 17% of my body weight in less than four weeks. I am not exaggerating, this new diet is going to take the world by storm! It will cause upheaval in all the lands. Women and men alike will storm their doctor's office for this fabulously new diet regime!
What is this newest and latest diet craze you ask? Well it's none other than swine flu!
I swear last month I had it. NOT JOKING! I was so sick I couldn't believe it. I had the pale skin, sunken eyes, sweaty feverish episodes, the HORRIBLE stomach cramps (and everything that went with them), swollen joints, swollen hands, nose running, coughing sneezing, blah blah blah. You get the picture, right? You don't? Well let me show you what it was like:
So, if you find yourself looking like this
Run as quickly as you can to your doctor's office and pray the whole way there.
On the SANE chance that you never want to try this fabulous diet, boy, do I have a solution for you!
My friend Anti-supermom at antisupermom.com is giving away these fabulous "Boogie Wipes" that are sure to keep you in the clear. So hop on over and enter in the contest! You may just be lucky enough to get *picked* as her big juicy winner!
Yes, the most exciting thing in the world has happened in the last three weeks of Kindergarten. Our second beautiful little girl has learned to read those little four page books that are sent home every Monday afternoon. This is the last book that IS brought home and the incredible thing is, she was able to READ it all by herself.
So to demonstrate this I put together this little silent film of her reading it exactly as she did to me.
Do your really want me to answer that?
We are so proud of her, but maybe we need to get her eyes checked.
If you'd like to play along, look through your week and find the funniest thing that happened and jot it down. Either leave your story in the comments or send me a link to it and I'll come check it out!
I had a hard time coming up with a story with a photo this week, unless you really wanted to hear more about stomach flu and other such bathroom discussion. So I decided to tell you a make believe story instead:
The Princess And The Pea
Once upon a time there lived a prince, and this prince wanted more than anything to marry a real princess.
He went everywhere in his search for his real princess but alas he found none that lived up to his expectations.
Then one day he returned home to his castle with his mother and father, the King and Queen, and gave up on his hopes of ever marrying a real princess.
That very night a terrible storm swelled around the castle walls. The night was black as pitch. The rain pounded relentlessly on the tiled roof. As lightening sliced through the darkness a knock sounded at the door.
The old king opened the door and was shocked to find a young woman drenched from head to toe. Rain ran from her soaked cloak and seeped out from her dainty slipper shoes. She said in a small but musical voice that she was a real princess that was lost and wondered if she could please impose upon them for a warm bed and dry clothes for the night.
The prince heard her emphasis on the "real princess" and was ecstatic, the old queen on the other hand was less convinced. She decided to give the princess a test to see if she was indeed a real princess. She knew that if she was a real princess that she would of course be very sensitive, so she decided to set up a bed for her. She had her servants pull up the mattress on her bed and she placed a single pea underneath, then had the mattress replaced.
Then on top of that mattress she had the servants place 20 mattresses, then topped those with 20 eider down mattresses, and 20 quilts on top of those. The old queen smiled to herself as she helped the princess into her night dress and climb into the towering bed. The Queen thought "Now we shall see if she is a real princess."
The next morning the Queen went to waken the princess and to see how she slept. When she climbed to the top of the bed she found the princess looking disheveled and miserable. The Queen asked the princess how she slept.
In a miserable voice the princess answered sadly, "Horribly, I don't know what was so hard in this bed but I was so uncomfortable all night that I didn't get a wink of sleep!"
At this the Queen and the Prince rejoiced, for they knew that the princess was a real princess because she was so sensitive.
And so the Prince and the Princess were married and lived happily ever after.
And as for the pea, well they put it on display in a museum for all to see.
I glanced up the stairs as I casually made my way up to the mayhem that seemed to be happening in my kitchen. As I reached the half way mark I changed into mom mode and my voice pitch followed suit, "What is going on!? Why are you fighting, what did you do!?" I swear when my children look back and remember me all that will come to mind will be those two sentences, because that is all they hear come out from between my otherwise useless lips.
I was answered with screams and complaints. I sucked in a breath of air to make sure I had plenty to inflate my voice to get my heathen children's attention, but stopped short as I stepped beyond the last step and into the kitchen.
My lecture stuck in my throat. "Eww, what is that smell?" I looked around my small table for the source of the dead animal and noticed that my three year old EM was perched rather awkwardly on her booster seat. She had her two arms straight as an arrow holding onto the little arm rests to either side of her. Her back was straight and her buttocks was clenched rather tightly.
"Oh, sorry mommy. I farted," said EM.
"Are you sure it was just a fart? That smells pretty bad." I responded with my nose plugged.
EM responded by slowly and carefully lifting herself down from her seat with her butt still firmly scrunched and frankenstein walked to the bathroom.
I followed her in and started to ask if she had had an accident, but as she pulled her pants down she looked up in surprise and said, "Oh, my poop melted."
If you would like to play along just look through your week and find something that made you laugh and jot it down. Either leave a comment with your story or leave a link to your page! Thanks for playing!
This photo story was unfortunately stolen from my family blog, sorry it's old news. It has been a hellacious week. I've been so busy and ALL THREE of my girls have the stomach flu. Plus I babysat my nephew, little bear (for all you Kaye readers), who also had to join in on puking all over my floor, and bathroom, and TV room and.. well you get the point. It's been fun. So here's the stolen story-
I can see a tradition starting here in our little family. This same thing happens every year in the second or third week of school. This year was no different.
Friday afternoon I was at home busy cleaning (he, he) when I was disturbed by the brrring! of the telephone. Yes I do indeed still have a land line so I still have to hear the high pitched sound of a corded telephone.
I made my way over to my phone and picked it up.
"Hello!" I said in a chipper voice.
I was answered with a very sad, very pouty voice at the other end.
"Mom?" Her voice shook as she said my name. Instantly mother bear was on the phone rather than rational Heidi.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" I quickly asked my oldest daughter.
In a voice near tears she said, "I don't feel well, can you come and get me?"
"My belly, I almost threw-up on my desk."
"Are you sure you're sick?"
"YES, I almost threw-up!" She said indignantly.
"OK," I said with a sigh, "I'll be there in a minute."
Mother bear went back into hibernation and my youngest and I got ready to go and pick the oldest up. We drove the short distance to the school and walked to the office hand in hand.
Upon entering the office I spotted my oldest daughter, K, in a chair in the corner looking sad and dejected. As I approached the desk to sign her out I proceeded to say hello to the secretary.
"I'm not so sure K's really sick," She said in a hushed but smiling voice. "As soon as she got off the phone with you she got a great big grin on her face and then hopped around the corner to sit in the chair."
With a sigh I said, "Well, I'm here now so I guess I'll still take her home. But, we'll have a talk when we get home." We chatted for a few more minutes, then EM (my youngest) and I followed K to her classroom to collect her things.
On the way home I quizzed K about what hurt, how it hurt and why it hurt. Then I asked,
"Are you lying to me, are you really sick?"
In an injured tone bordering on whining she said, "Yahesss, I don't feel well!"
"Ok, but no playing or Nintendo today." I told her in a stern voice.
Well we made it home and K dutifully went into her bed and laid down to rest and feel better.
This was her an hour later:
We had a long talk that night that included the story for the third year in a row about crying wolf and told her she can't come home unless she actually pukes on her desk. Do you think she will EVER get the concept that she shouldn't lie?
A few months ago my family all went for a fun day with Thomas The Train. The inside of Thomas was a wee bit of a shock. It was in quite a state of disrepair, the roof was rusted nearly through, the seats had certianly seen better days, and there were holes that you could see the ground through as you passed from car to car. Despite the condition that the cars were in the day was fun and the train was rather nostalgic. I have tons of great pictures of the details of the train here are a few.
The last few weeks have served as a reminder for me to be grateful for my families safety. Fire is a such an uncontrollable force, it has a mind of it's own and it takes what it wants. The smoke here has finally started to dissipate as the flames have been forced into submission, but the memory of lost homes and forests will remain for a while longer. Amidst all this tragedy the sun reminded me that there is beauty to be found in all things. I found that something can be beautiful and terrible at the same moment. Happy Ruby Tuesday!
Sorry to those of you that visited me on Saturday. I reused the same theme. I didn't get out much this week. Happy Ruby Tuesday!
What's the best way to upset your mother? Well first you need to have the proper materials at hand. Of course you need to use a chair to climb up to the top of the closet when your mother isn't looking and retrieve various mediums to use in the destruction of the kitchen.
Next you need to find the proper tools to use for the project. Once you have found everything that you need, simply dip in and the destruction begins.
Make sure you do a thorough job, covering all available surfaces
When simply dipping will no longer suffice, just dump and swirl.
Now when you are suddenly found out by your furious mother your only option is lie, lie like you've never lied before. Go ahead, tell her you never touched any paint, it was all your sister it will make her so happy.
But of course the most important part of any thorough job is to finish with clean up and leaving paint all over the cupboard, sink, faucett and floor. And don't forget to let your masterpiece dry completely BEFORE hanging it on the refrigerator door.
And that is a sure fire way to make your mother's blood boil.
For further instruction tune in next week. Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek