Sunday, February 7, 2010

Sunday Funnies: Haven't You Ever Seen "The Christmas Story?"

The morning was not going well.  It seemed like every time I turned around another stumbling block had been placed in my way, preventing a timely arrival at school.  We had no milk so there was no breakfast, Izzy wouldn't brush her teeth, Emma didn't want to get her coat on and Kira was still trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of lolygagging.  And school was scheduled to start in FIVE minutes.  To top it all off I still had to stop and grab my nephew on the way to school.
So Sgt. Mom stepped in and took control.  Orders began flying from my mouth before my brain even had time to contemplate what I was saying.
As I herded all my little duckies out the door we paused when the door was opened.  It was beautiful!  The frost was so thick that it lay on top of the world in what looked like perfect little snowflakes.  It was so cold that the air shimmered with glittering frozen condensation.  It was breathtaking.  Literally, it was so cold that it took your breath away.
With our moment of awe in for the day I started giving orders to get moving when I realized that I had left the keys in the drawer of our entryway table.  And so with instructions to the girls head to the van I quickly stepped back inside to grab the missing keys. 
And that's when I heard it.
"Izzy, go ahead and eat one."  Now one thing that you have to understand about Izzy is that her favorite thing in the world to eat is, snow.
"Don't you dare!"  I screamed expelling every bit of air and exasperation in one breath.
I ran for the door but not quickly enough.  There before me on the porch stood my five year old with her lip and tongue stuck to the metal railing in her attempt to lick up a snowflake.
WHY ME?  I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes heavenward.
"Izzy, what were you doing?"  I yelled at her (I know I'm a horrible mother).  "Haven't you ever seen "A Christmas Story"?  Don't you remember when that boy stuck his tongue to the pole?!  What were you thinking?"
In my impatience to be on time to school I forgot to be the loving kind mother that I should have been.  My tirade and advancement to help scared Izzy so much that she pulled herself back so hard that she ripped her tongue and lip off from the metal railing. 
The blood and tears came in earnest.  I bent to inspect her mouth it wasn't too bad, so I gave her a hug, told her she would be fine and scooted everyone to the van. 
Izzy's tongue stopped bleeding very quickly, and the tears abated until next time.  She was calm and composed by the time we stopped to grab my nephew. 
When we got to my mom's she kindly allowed my children to eat breakfast at her house, where she had milk.  And we finally made it to school, 15 minutes late.
And so I learned a valuable lesson for the day.  When life is throwing everthing at you just remember, the blood and tears will only last a little while. :)

Sunday Funnies is a weekly theme here at Cake Crumbs. If you would like to play along just think back through your week and find the funniest thing that happened to you and jot it down.  Then simply sign up with Mr. Linky and join in the fun! 


Mimi said...

Aw Heidi, this is so lovely!
I'm glad to see you're human, capable of letting an odd yell at your kids!
Sorry about Izzy's tongue, hope she's feeling much better now.
I empathise re getting out on a Sunday morning- my kids have band practice each Sunday, and it's hard going sometimes.
Mid-term next Sunday, so glad of the break!
Enjoy the frost- do you have snow? Please don't make me jealous!

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

OUCH!!! I cringed reading that! I'm glad it wasn't too bad. Poor kid. I bet she'll never do that again. haha :)

kayerj said...

That worked up into a delightful story--so glad grandma's love and warm oatmeal helped her feel better.

Emmy said...

Glad she was okay! But you know I totally would have done the same thing, I told you so :)

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

OK. You need to sit the kids down and just show them that scene a couple times and the problem will be taken care of! Ya'll it's real! It happens! ouch!

Kathleen@so much to say, so little time said...

Absolutely hilarious! I happen to have a funny written up for earlier in the week, so I linked up--will be on the lookout for future weeks! ;)

Nat said...

OUCH!! Hot water wll get it off without the blood. I'm not sure about the tears...

Poor Izzy!

Leslie said...

Loved the story. So Funny! I am glad Izzy's toungue is okay. I have a funny on her. I came to your house with Grandma and the girls wanted to come with us. On the way to Grandma's she asked me, "Who are you? And why am I with you?"

amber_mtmc said...

Heidi, you are not a horrible mom. I think every mother can relate to your feelings of frustration, it's what comes with the territory.

Mimi said...

Hi Heidi, thanks for the lovely comment over at mine.
Guess what??
We has about 30 flakes of snow tonight!! Not much when you spread it over a whole country! And certainly not enough to shovel a driveway!
Hope Izzy's better today.

CC said...

:( :( :( :(

Honey Mommy said...

Pretty pictures... I know how it goes when you are in a hurry and get impatient. I'm glad your daughter was ok.

Anti-Supermom said...

Heidi, Hasn't the girl *really* ever seen the Christmas story? I'm in pain thinking about her ;(

Hope you are doing better now~

Jaina said...

Oh gosh, I'm glad she was okay! My uncle did that once on a dare. Same result. Ouch!

Chris said...

Awesome! I actually stuck my tongue to a frozen pan a couple of weeks ago. My children were very impressed. It actually hurts more than I thought it would. :)

I think you and I studied at the same school of parenting :)