Saturday, October 3, 2009

Sunday Spookies: Who Doesn't Love Creepy Guys?

Since it is the spookiest month of the year I have decided to go with Sunday Funnies alter ego and try my hand at writing the spookiest things that have ever happened to me.
For this week I'm trying a warm up, we'll see if it works. It's more of a transition story for the next month. Let me know what you think, hair standing up or slicked back with epoxy.
On this beautifully chilly autumn morning I awoke to the sounds of my husband sleeping next to me. Today is his 31st birthday (see we are already getting into the scary part of the story). As I sit and watch him sleep on this his first day of downhill slide of life, I am reminded of the birthday gift that my parents and I went in on for him. My husband loves BYU. Yes I know that all of you who secretly believed I lived in Hell will be very disappointed, I live in Utah. Well maybe that 's the same place *shrug*.
He once told me that he would wear something that had a BYU emblem on it every day if he could. Well he probably could if I actually kept my laundry up, but alas, I suck at laundry.
Anyway for his birthday for the last two years he has gotten tickets to the game that is closest to his birthday. So on Friday afternoon we said our happy goodbyes to the three little girls and left them screaming, for joy that they were sleeping over at Grandma's house. Poor grandma.
Off we went to the game. Upon arriving we drove as quickly as possible (2 mph) to the parking lot (soccer field) and parked our awesome van next to a pimped out corvette something or other. Our car was way cooler!
As we joined in the continual thread of human bodies slowly crawling toward the stadium I realized that I had forgotten that I have a problem with crowds. I know between this and my OCD thingy from yesterday I'm bound to lose a few readers. I'm really not crazy, I swear! And I'm not in denial, I think.
Eventually the sea of people broke when everyone reached the stadiums seats and like the red sea everyone parted to rush to their seats before the game started. We found our seats and sat down just as the game started.
As I sat and watched the game I was quite enjoying the game, the atmosphere and the people. The seats beside us were vacant so my husband and I stretched out a little. This comfy healthy distance between us and our neighbors lasted until the 2nd quarter. Then my seat was suddenly squished into a space that only someone with a butt 6" across would fit into. My butt is far larger than 6" so this posed a problem.
Now this was when my nightmare began, the guy sitting next to me was trying so hard to sit on my lap that I nearly had a panic attack. I have a rather large personal space bubble and this guy, who was wearing enough cologne to knock over a rhino, decides that he has to punch a hip and shoulder right through my bubble's very thin walls of protection. With a *pop* I was out of my comfort zone. I scooted closer to my husband, creepy stinky guy in his 50's on a date with his mom and dressed like a teenager sidles up next to me. I scoot again, he scoots. After 5 minutes I was nearly on top of my husband's lap. I'm not so sure that he minded, but this guy just wouldn't back off.
This is when my husband who is normally the model of civility, slams an elbow into the guys throat collapsing his windpipe and knocks him out as he screams obscenities (at a BYU game) at the guy about touching his wife. Ok that's just what I was imagining. Really he just politely chatted with the guy next to him, who stayed in his own personal space, and wrapped an arm around me and pulled me as close as possible, thereby establishing his territory. It didn't work, creepy stinky didn't get it and just kept getting closer and closer and closer until after an agonizing 2 hours they left early because BYU was thumping USU in the worst played game of the year. Even the USU fan in front of us ended up cheering for BYU and singing their fight song when they scored touch downs.
And so my nightmare ended, we waited until most of the crowd left and then we casually strolled out of the stadium and to our car and drove home on a nearly deserted highway. Sigh, my bubble was re-inflated.
Ok, that may not have been that scary for you, but I promise it had me sweating in the 50 degree weather.

If you'd like to play along, look through your week and find the funniest/scariest thing that happened and jot it down. Either leave your story in the comments or send me a link to it and I'll come check it out!


Kelli @ writing the waves said...

Yikes!!! I was really hoping your hubby did take the guy down. He would have deserved it! Geez!

My husband is a big BYU fan too, but he has to settle for watching the games on TV.

Vixen said...

I love that in your mind your husband crushed someone's wind pipe at a BYU game, hee hee. I lived in Utah for 18 years, so I find that highly amusing.

*~sis~* said...

you lasted longer than i would have!! i hate anyone in my space :(
my kids say the funniest things all the time, i try to remember to write them down and toss them in the memory jar. this week my daughter made me laugh when she said "when i grow up to be a mommie like you can you help me find the right way to our house" (she's 4).

thx for visiting my blog :)

PaperbackWriter said...

Congrats on not smashing him yourself!
Hubby is the one that doesn't usually do well in crowds, but will manage for me most of the time. I tend to do well in crowds, but there are times that my personal bubble can be uber fragile too. I think creepy stinky would have burst my bubble too.
You have a lucky hubby to get such a gift for his birthday, the only way I would ever get to se any of my sports teams play is to first hop on a plane - FL or England are a long ways away to travel for any kind of game!

kayerj said...

funny story--I know how hard it was for you to endure the invasion. I liked the imagery of hubby crushing the guys windpipe at a BYU game too. I prefer watching the games on TV.

Anonymous said...

I am so not a crowd person either and I love the visual of your hubby taking the guy down...a girl can dream, right? ;)